A tale of my first visit to Subway !!

Yea & verily, there I was, stranded & lonely, wandering in the wilderness that is known to the chosen as "Birmingham", in the halls of knowledge known to the few as " THE NEC !! ".........

I stumbled around looking at the stands of the mighty practitioners of ........ Health & Safety !!!!!!............ while they laughed at me & my simple country ways, scorning me & kicking me, tempting me with their wares then spurning me as would the harlot when she realises that I have no shekels for her favours, then I saw it..........a bright shining light in the yonder, beckoning me & calling my name softly………

I held out my hands & was drawn to her soft glow, what wondrous beast was this, boldly showing me her goods & tempting me, embracing me & showing me the ways that others knew of but which had passed me by......I dug deep into the coffers of the sacred "Petty Cash" & blindly followed the simple yet effective guides as they led me through the maze of temptation ............... choices of breaded product .............. the meat of the beasts of the field .......... yea, all of them !!! ...... the produce of the simple farmer, his crops & dairy produce were on show for all to see ............ the wares even of the foreigner were introduced & offered to me ...........

I followed the line as numerous goodly folk lovingly guided me to the hallowed "Cash Register" ............ where I found that I had purchased what they told me was "a foot long Italian BMT, with double meat & cheese, lettuce, red onions & Mayo, on herbed & cheesed bread" ......... I stumbled out into the sunlight, blinded & dizzy & fell to my knees on the grassy knoll & worshipped this offering of the gods, this feast which must surely have been reserved for only the mightiest of warriors, yet there I knelt, brazenly devouring this object of lust whilst others merely looked on ............ yea I waited for the guards to arrest me, yet they simply watched in mild amusement as I praised my purchase & called out in the manner of the Longhairs "I am not worthy, I am not worthy" ..........

I have seen the light & shall forever now worship at the alter of "Subway", for there is truly no other to rival this example of other worldly splendour, this shining example of how the gods offerings can be surrendered to mere unworthy mortals such as myself .............. I was a virgin to the delights & am now a true convert after only one taste of this goddess, praise be to the goddess Subway for I am truly unworthy of her favours .........